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Well, I feel like bitching.  
05:36pm 15/11/2010
Today was the our car was going to be fixed. Amanda comes home comes in our bedroom and says "I can tell you, we pretty much don't have a car..." Turns out, the guy fixing it suddenly discovered a cracked head. I don't know what that means, but followed by that she said it cost about 500 or 600 dollars to fix. My first feeling about this, the guy totally fucked it up himself.... I don't know really how it came about, but I have a instinct kinda feeling that he caused it. Then he tried to buy it from her to junk, for a whopping 125 dollars. She feels that bullshit, and we're afraid he is going to fuck it up futher while putting it back together. Tomorrow come finding away to tow it home. Apparently he wanted to buy the car so bad, he tried convincing her it was better for her them him. That if she was going to fix it, she should let him fix it. Plus we had all kinds of info from other people about how he sometimes replaces good parts for old parts. That he's basically a fishy person. The only reason we went to this guy to start with was because he is a friend to Tims family. Mistake in a half. Now we have to come up with about 500 or 600 dollars, plus she still has to pay him for the work he did, even though he is probably the reason everything has gone bad. We have to rely on him to put the car back together, and fuckin pray he doesn't mess anything else up or replace parts/steal anything. This year keeps getting more and more strained,  
mood: bitchybitchy
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09:57pm 03/11/2010
So Amanda's car broke down, some where between Stanford, and Danvillle. Probably the fuel pump. We're extremely poor. If it's bigger then that we're screwed. I think both of us are so down, we might make a "pact". We're both worn out from our troubles. She's been on the verge of leaving me for months. I can't blame her. I'm a real bitch. To make it worse I'm sick. Drugs! I need DRUGS! I wish I were stronger willed. Then I would at least push myself for something better, then a mobile home and food stamps. I really need to get away from World of Warcraft, and things that put me in states of obsessive mania. Shit, the things that would require along at this point would probably be to much to ask for. I'd need constant support. I'm that person who gets addicted to internet, mmo's, and whatever else. I'm the kind of person that falls into that category, that they are making the laws about online play time. I feel torchered by this shit. Actually I feel fuckin torchered about everything from the time I wake up til I go to bed. Everyday I feel like I'm silently screaming for something to save me. I miss when things were simple and fun, but nothing has been simple an fun for years an years. It was cool when I was kid, and I could start from point C, and totally skip points A & B and not feel like stabbing myself in the eyeballs. I don't really know whats wrong with me, but I wish there was a way to care a lot less about the simple things. Worry more about the on coming bullshit.
location: Home
mood: enviousenvious
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12:29am 03/11/2010
I wanna relocate to a gay friendly country. Most gay people probably think about it more than a few times a week. The land of the so called free, BAH! I know progress is being made, and we'll probably even see the revolution in our time. Bigotry will still be around though. I mean I would kinda just like to live around nice people for a change. I'm sure assholes exist everywhere, but as far as people in general go there are much nicer countries to live in. Canada is super nice, and peaceful. They have free healthcare, and far more tolerant people. So it's a place I've always dreamed about living. Japan is a overall nice place, and I've read they are super super respectful. Though I'm sorta under the impression they aren't super nice to the gays. Still I've wanted to live there before I ever knew about games, and anime. Chances are I'll be stick in this hell hole forever, but its nice to dream.
mood: artisticartistic
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Hmmmm... Entry Six... I think.  
11:57pm 31/10/2010
Shit, well.... I helped clean house, ate about 25 small bags of Swedish Fish, watched scary movies for Halloween, cut my hair, listen to Pink Floyd, and drank a whole case of diet A&W.

So Amanda told me I would have the money for WOW:C, so how should I go about getting it. I sorta want to have its box. BUT! being able to login at 12am and have instant access totally has its pull on me. The collector in me totally wants the install disc/box/booklet. There is also midnight pick up vs. instant access at midnight. Then there is also the option to not get it till the next day. After I start thinking about it to much, I stop caring because I'm gonna hate waiting 2 or 3 hours to login. Anyways, yay WoW gets to suck up another year of my life probably. I think I need to learn more about downloading it digitally.
mood: sleepysleepy
music: ancient aliens
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Stereotypically Speaking..... Entry Five  
09:47am 30/10/2010
Lately I've decided to start cutting my own hair, with a razor comb I bought from Sally's. I've been looking through hair styles all over the place. I finally have chosen to go with a Scene style. Now, stereotypically speaking..... I'm not really scene at all. Which has lead me into thinking where exactly do I fall into all the stereotypes out there, and since I've felt kinda like I've had writers block I'm gonna think about it on Live Journal. :)

So, I guess first of all I fall into being gay, well Lesbian. So this would automatically throw me in with the Bulldykes. I'm not really butch so I fall short on that one, I do like flannel when I'm having a redneck party. I guess after that there would be the lipstick lesbian, I don't really fit that one either. I'm pretty natural when it could to girl stuff. I've never had to spend much time on my hair, because I have the kinda hair that naturally looks fixed most of the time. I guess I'm somewhere in the middle of both.

Other stereotypes I might fall into, Gamer. I am completely a gamer. For the past I don't 18 years I've spent most of my time trying to find some games to play. Wasn't always so hardcore about it. I can't say I really fall into a stereotype when it comes to music, I listen to everything from Blind Guardian to Britney Spears. I'm a neurotic pessimist who really enjoys watching Anime and sometimes I dye my hair black. So this would make me a lesbian emo, only I don't really dress emo. I'll take a tee shirt with something supporting anything I love, and a light wash pair of jeans over anything else. I usually only wear chucks, but I'm probably going to switch to Vans sooner or later. Well after all this thinking, I don't feel like I reached a conclusion. I don't really care, I'm wild and free within the confines of my own space. I'm pretty happy with it.
mood: calmcalm
music: The Runaways
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BAGS! Entry Four  
09:44am 29/10/2010

         Well I knew it was coming, hoped it wasn't. However here it is

 "via @Syfy on twitter:
I'll pass along Mark Stern's note about Caprica:
We appreciate all the support that fans have shown for Caprica and are very proud of the producers, cast, writers and the rest of the amazing team that has been committed to this fine series. Unfortunately, despite its obvious quality, Caprica has not been able to build the audience necessary to justify a second season. The remaining first run episodes of Caprica will be removed from the schedule as of next Tuesday, November 2. The final 5 eps will be re-scheduled to air at a to be announced time in the first quarter of 2011, & will conclude the run of the series.
Thanks again to all the awesome fans who watched and supported the show, and to the AMAZING cast and crew."

ASSHOLES!!!!!!! Happened to be my favorite show airing, and now I don't have any faith that any other Scifi/Fantasy show in the up coming year will succeed. Actually I bet if scifi shows from the past were just beginning now they would epically meet the same end. Signs of the time I guess. I'm so over trying new tv, my new rule currently is if hasn't been on 5 seasons it isn't safe water to tread. That's two good shows down in the same year, must me a new trend. One that I can't be part of. I really, really enjoy being entertained. So anything like the cancelling something I like comes as a massive blow to me. In someways it feels really good to put my foot down, and say no more. Now, I can focus more on the things I already love. Things like Xena, Battlestar Galactica, X Files, and watching all of Stargate SG-1. I can have good faith in SG-1 for being awesome, its 10 seasons/2movies which has to mean something good. The X Files was 9 seasons, and totally worth all the time I spent on it. Actually so good, that after I spend about 3 or 4 solid months straight watching from morning to night, I need to start over again. :) Fun times with tv.
location: HELL
mood: crushedcrushed
music: Silent Hill
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The Beat Goes On, and The Beat Goes On Entry Three  
01:03pm 28/10/2010
My priorities are all wrong, I spend half my day/night trying to figure out what to work on in World of Warcraft. The rest is spent trying to please/piss Amanda off. It's really according with which side of crazy I wake up with. Being agoraphobic doesn't help much with trying to seek help. If I hadn't given up on finishing High School I would be in a better place. I don't really work on my problems. I'd like to be language translator, for all types of peoples. I decided that maybe after Amanda gets out of school, I might try to get my GED when she has more free time to help me learn shit. I guess before that I'll probably need to seek free help for the phobias I have. So I have this sorta laid back plan. Mother will need to move out, and let me actually have a life first. Sigh..... I have to many troubles to mention.
mood: boredbored
music: Battlestar Galactica
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The Geek Inside Entry Two  
04:38am 27/10/2010
Sometimes I'm so proud to be a geek, example :) when you find yourself up at 4AM loader up trusty sd card full of rather awesome files that allow you to play Xena: Talisman of Fate. Lao Ma can really kick some ass. I really frickin love the Wii for everything I can do with it. I even like the way it displays Netflix over all my other systems. Naturally it should look like poo poo shit where the Wii does scale past 480p, but my internet sadly doesn't work well enough to display hd anyway. I may hate all Wii games, but golly gee I use that little breast for so much random crap I can't say I don't love it.. anymore. Playing Xena almost made me forget the whirlwind of abuse that came from my Mother today after she saw Amanda had left for school. I'm so fortunate I don't have a gas oven sometimes. I kid, I'm just negative that way. My life is overall pretty negative I guess. The point of this entry is, sometimes the Geek inside gives me little rays of sunshine..... sometimes.
mood: hungryhungry
music: Monster Rancher
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November 2010  

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